How to Build Resilience The Next Time You Struggle With Consistency
“Fall seven times, stand up eight.” — Japanese proverb
Key TakeAways:
Losing consistency with a goal or routine happens to everyone.
Your mindset will either help you to recover, or keep you stuck.
Self-compassion and intentional redirection helps you get back on track.
Can you relate to this? You’re building a habit, or getting consistent with a routine, and finally feeling good about the thing you’ve been meaning to work on for a long time. Next thing you know, something comes out of nowhere…and then you’re suddenly no longer in your flow. We all know that sometimes life can get loud. Things outside of our control can knock us off course; a last minute request at work; an evening you spent an unexpected hour supporting your bestie; a busy day of errands. It can be as simple as forgetting, running out of time, or not having motivation. Regardless, it can feel like it doesn’t take much for your streak to end just as quickly as it started.
If you’ve experienced this, which you most likely have as a human being, this reminder is for you: falling off does not make you a failure, and what happens next is what matters most.
Losing consistency happens to everyone — yes, even you
I want to start here because I know ambitious, passionate people like you can struggle with shame; having a belief that other people somehow have it together in a way you don’t. You see the influencer on Instagram who meditates every morning, exercises six days a week, journals before bed and you assume their consistency is effortless. It isn’t.
Building a new habit is challenging, and doesn’t happen overnight. Starting a new self-care routine is not only hard to maintain; it’s also often the first thing to go when life gets demanding. Also, I hope you know that when things get overwhelming, an effective self-care routine is exactly what we need. You may have had stretches where you were doing everything right, feeling really good, and then one stressful week happened and -boom- you looked up two weeks later wondering where everything went. Believe me when I say, every single person can relate to having moments like this. It doesn’t mean the habit wasn’t real or that you’re not capable. It just means you’re a person living a real life.
How you talk to yourself when you’re off track matters
Everyone falls off. The difference is what people do when it happens. That’s the real skill — not perfect consistency, but resilient recovery. Luckily, this is a skill that you can learn.
Your mind may immediately turn into a critic. You know the voice that I’m referring to. It might say things like, “Of course I failed, I always do this,” or “I knew I wouldn’t be able to keep up.” Becoming ruthlessly self-critical is not helpful. That voice is a form of self-punishment, and it will not get you back on track. It will just make you feel worse about yourself and less likely to try again.
It’s really important to talk to yourself like a supportive friend. Think about their tone. It’s gentle and encouraging, not disparaging or defeating.
Allow yourself to feel the emotional response to this happening. Do you feel frustrated? Do you feel sad? Sit with that, and let it remind you of why this is important to you.
On the other hand, don’t dismiss what’s happened either. Shrugging and saying, "Well, I didn't really want to do it anyway." Or quietly deciding that because you missed a few days means “throw it all away”, is not helpful. It’s actually avoidance, instead of the indifference you were going for.
Okay, I fell off- now what?
Once you’ve processed the feeling, even for a few minutes, you can move into action. And the action is simple: make a plan to come back.
The question to ask yourself is not “Why did this happen?” but “When is the next time I can do this?” That single shift in framing changes everything. It moves you from dwelling to doing. It keeps the door open instead of closing it.
If your habit or routine is already scheduled in your calendar, the answer is easy — just show up the next time it’s on the schedule. No big reset required, no need to start over from day one. Just pick up where you left off.
If your habit was based on a more free-form approach, and completing the habit or routine was taken day by day, then this is a good moment to make it a little more intentional. Set a reminder. Add it to your calendar. Give it a specific time so it doesn’t get lost in the current of a busy day. I appreciate flexibility, but it might be more supportive to create some structure as you’re getting back on your feet.
Hopefully, the next time keeping it all together feels impossible and things don’t go the way you planned you can refer back to how to find your way back.
Let me know in the comments how you’ve recovered from a setback with a goal or self-care routine.
Share this with someone that could use some support with consistency with their goals.
Schedule a session with me if this is something you’re interested in working on.
As Always, Be Well!
Warmly, Jessica Herd, LMHC-D
Jessica Herd, LMHC-D accepts therapy clients in New York and Florida. Schedule a free consultation call today.
Resources:
National Suicide & Crisis Lifeline: Dial “988”
Text Crisis Line: Text “HELLO” to 741741
