The Reality of Dating with a Mental Health Condition
"Owning your story and sharing it with someone who responds with empathy is the most connecting thing you can do." - Esther Perel
Dating can be complicated. From stressing over your appearance, to getting your dating profile to look just right, to actually planning a first date, it can all feel exhausting. For those whose daily routine also includes managing mental health concerns like intrusive thoughts, low motivation, or low self-confidence, finding a match in love can feel like just another mountain to climb.
A Peek Inside: When Mental Health Meets Dating
If you struggle with low confidence or low self-worth, dating can trigger feelings of rejection and inadequacy, leading to dissatisfaction in your love life.
For those who experience anxiety, dating can quickly activate a spiral of self-judgment, self-doubt, and social fears. One awkward moment or delayed text can lead to hours of exhausting, defeating self-talk.
If you manage depression, you’re already running on fumes of energy and focus just to get through your daily work grind. You may ask yourself, “time for dating, where?” Finding energy to scroll, swipe, and meet new people may feel impossible.
Instead of seeing dating as a test you have to "pass," it can help to reframe it; you're not trying to prove your worth to someone else — you’re exploring if someone else is a good fit for you, too.
As for feeling cringe, I want you to remember that everyone has awkward moments in dating sometimes. That’s what makes for fun stories to share with our friends. Shifting focus away from trying to “perform perfectly” and instead toward authentic connection can help ease the pressure.
Finally, not forcing yourself to date and instead, focusing on yourself, is a good way to practice self-care. Spend time investing in your interests, nourish your relationships with family and friends, and even allow yourself to just be. Self-love and getting to know yourself intimately will prepare you for love in future relationships.
Flipping the Script
Instead of placing so much pressure on yourself, I invite you to reflect on values that can help you to find someone that may be right for you. Keep these in mind when you’re searching for a potential partner. Feel free to add your own!
They allow you to feel your feelings
They focus more on the good than on flaws or bad days
They encourage you to take care of yourself
They respect your boundaries
You feel safe communicating your needs and feelings with them.
These are also great for if you’re currently getting to know someone, or already in a committed relationship.
Journaling Prompts as you Navigate Dating
"Do I feel free to express my full range of emotions in this relationship, or do I find myself hiding how I truly feel?"
Consider moments when you've been upset, joyful, anxious, or overwhelmed—how did your partner respond?
"When I think about this relationship, do I focus more on what’s working or what's missing?"
Reflect on the overall tone of your connection. Is there space to celebrate the good, or does criticism often take center stage?
"In what ways does my partner support my self-care and personal growth?"
Think about how your partner responds when you set time aside for rest, wellness, or pursuing your goals.
"Are my boundaries heard, respected, and honored in this relationship?"
Journal about a recent time you expressed a limit or need. How was it received?
"Do I feel emotionally safe enough to share my needs and feelings without fear of judgment or backlash?"
Explore what it feels like when you bring up something important. Are your words met with curiosity and care?
I hope this topic helped to remind you that you deserve love that actually feels like support. Mental health can make dating even more complicated, but you're not broken, and you’re definitely not alone. Protect your peace, ask for what you need, and don't settle for anyone who can’t step up, or makes you feel like loving you is a chore. Your partner is supposed to feel like a safe space, not another source of stress.
As Always, Be Well!
Warmly, Jessica Herd, LMHC
Resources:
National Suicide & Crisis Lifeline: Dial “988”
Text Crisis Line: Text “HELLO” to 741741
